Food is vitally important and the usage thereof must constantly be documented due to its universally fascinating appeal; especially when it’s mine and definitely not yours. I don’t know why people waste film on foreign wars and party political broadcasts, they should be filming my delicate culinary genius instead. I’m beyond cultured.
Today, I sat watching all of the pointless sheeple in my office scarfing down their ridiculous sandwiches made from preposterous store-bought bread and deli-meat so sub par and ordinary that it might as well have been sliced using a knife fashioned from a frozen shit.
As always, I’m raising the bar in both quality and interest. I know you’ve been waiting for this and with good cause, because I’m everything you want to be and my food is something you couldn’t possibly make on your own, and if you tried, you’d fail so badly that your ugly wife would leave you and your children would wish they were orphans.
Spicy Vegetable Ramen.
Beautifully extruded strips of egg noodles, woken from their majestic slumber by boiled h2o. That’s water to you highschool dropouts. Look how the seasoning glistens amongst the freeze dried vegetables. Not only is that modern technology at its finest, but this has spices you couldn’t even dream of. You’d be better off tying to figure out the physiology of a unicorn before you tried to understand what was going on in this noodle pot. You aren’t sophisticated enough for this.
Here’s one of the best food pictures in the history of time. Look how close the ingredients are.
Don’t you just wish you were as skilled in cookery and photography as I am? I’m also the most humble fucking guy in the world. The city tried to give me a gold medal for humility, but I told them to shove it up their fucking assholes ‘cause I’m a diamond. Gold doesn’t do me justice.
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